Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
