Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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