I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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