I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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