im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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