I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
