Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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