I cockslap morals
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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