This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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