I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
