I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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