can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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