i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
