It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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