Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
