those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
