The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
