grandma shit on top of the toilet
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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