my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
