Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
