like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
