after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
