on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
