Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
