i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
