Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize