It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
