checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
