To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
