there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
