Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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