gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
