Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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