You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
