So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
