You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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