there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
