You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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