Fuck appropriateness.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
