god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Found your dick twin last night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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