I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
