The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
