I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
