imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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