the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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