We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
