Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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