Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
