i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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