shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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