you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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