I have demons in me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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