Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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