do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
