The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
