Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
