I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
