So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
