"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
