i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
