you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
