Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
