So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
