I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
